By Claire Bahn
Online dating is not easy -- in fact it can be quite intimidating. To even get in the game, you need to write a witty profile, answer a personality and interest questionnaire and post a picture.
It's not cheap either, many sites claim to be free, but that's only to search their site and see what's available. To actually contact someone on the site, it usually costs $20-25 a month. For most people the average length of their subscription is around 3 to 4 months. Within those 3 to 4 months, subscribers either find someone interesting to date or become so disillusioned that they quit the service.
"It should be in color and well lit, with minimal shadow on a light background."
Given that online dating is an investment in your future love life, you need to make the most out of it. There is only one tried and true way to increase your responses (whether those responses be from emails, "winks", or instant messages): post a great looking picture.
To be clear, I'm not advocating doing crazy retouching to make you look 10-20 years younger. The picture must be an accurate representation of you, now. This is critical. If you're one of those few folks who can't face reality, (i.e., you have your high school graduation picture online even though you graduated 30 years ago and you see nothing wrong with that), please stop that practice right now. That's dating fraud and it's just plain dumb. The first time your prospective date sees you, he or she will know you're a fibber.
The most important thing about the picture you post online is that it needs to look like you really look. Think of how you are going to look on your first date. Will your date recognize you from the picture?
Do yourself and your potential dates a favor and post a recent photo. Otherwise, you're wasting your time as well as your date's. Most people are attracted to someone initially by the way you look. Therefore, if you misrepresent yourself, you may get a first date, but you certainly won't get a second one.
So what are the most common problems online daters have with their photos? Why don't more people have photo posted?
The first hurdle is that most adults do not have flattering portraits of themselves, so you'll need to find a way to get one. There are professionals out there who can help you, and there are sites that can take an existing photo, scan it, enhance it (i.e., correct the coloring, get rid of red-eye and crop it) and then send you a digital photo, ready for you to upload to your dating site.
Another option would be to set up an appointment with a professional photographer that specializes in dating portraits. A good photographer will use the right poses and lighting to make you look your best. Some of these specialty photographers also have the ability to send your photos to you in the format accepted by your online dating site, making sure that you'll look your best.
Another major problem for those who are dating online is that the photo requirements on most online dating sites seem to be written in another language, making it difficult for many of us to understand. Most people don't really know about pixels, resolution and file size. Of course, regular Connected Photographer readers have a better understanding of these terms than most online daters.
Failure to upload a photo that meets the given specifications will result in poor results for your online dating ad. If you don't upload an image that meets a dating site's specifications, you may end up looking like a clown in a Fun House mirror. The online dating sites now recognize how difficult it is for most people; therefore, many sites will let you send a photo to them and they will scan and upload your photo for you.
I've mentioned some of the most important aspects of dating photo management. Here are some helpful don'ts and dos:
Online dating photo don'ts
Much of what you shouldn't do is really obvious. Desperation may get in the way of common sense, but use common sense anyway. Here's what not to do:
- Do not upload a picture where your friend, boyfriend, mother, etc., is cropped out and you can see their amputated limb wrapped around your waist or shoulder.
- Do not upload a photo that has been severely altered. If you work for 20 hours to get rid of your crow's feet, laugh lines and double chin, everyone will know.
- Don't post any drunken party photos. Seriously, just don't. You know who you are!
Online dating photo dos:
Once you've avoided the pitfalls mentioned above, here are two tactics that are sure to help you find that new love.
Upload a photo that is no more that two years old and make sure that you still look like you do in the picture. Take a constructive look at yourself in the mirror. If your picture shows long blond hair and you're now a brunette with short hair, get a new, updated picture.
Most sites let you post 4 to 6 photos, with one of the photos designated as your "main" photo. Your main photo should be more of a headshot. It should be in color, rather than black and white, and it should be well lit with minimal shadow on a light background. This is the photo your potential dates will see first, so it needs to be good and prospective dates should be able to tell what you look like.
The key here is to remember what your goal is with online dating -- meeting someone you want to date (and who will want to date you). The most effective way to do that is to post a flattering photo to catch their eye.
Don't hesitate or feel shy about enlisting the help of a professional, but remember: don't misrepresent yourself in any of the photos. The future Mr. or Ms. Right will want to meet the real you. Looks are certainly important, but there's someone out there for everyone. Once you look beyond the surface, the person we all want to wind up with is someone with integrity. Be that person and you'll have a much better chance of meeting someone else worthy of your affection.
Claire Bahn has been supervising all marketing and public relations activities for DatingHeadshots since early 2003. This role has given Claire the opportunity to gain expert knowledge on the inner workings of the online dating industry, as well the Do's and Don'ts for successful Internet dating. Prior to Datingheadshots, Claire worked in the global marketing and communications department of the financial technology firm Instinet Group. In this position she developed several communication strategy programs to roll out new key messaging and branding goals.